


School Night

by silentfort



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: M/M, Multi, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-29 23:14:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20444171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentfort/pseuds/silentfort
Summary: Trapper looks up then, and there’s something uncomfortable about the twist to his mouth. “I thought this was… I thought you were giving me a second chance.”





	School Night

**Author's Note:**

  * For [justalittlegreen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/justalittlegreen/gifts).

> This is based on an idea from justalittlegreen, in which Trapper and Hawkeye accidentally meet in San Francisco years after the war, and it turns out Trapper has been pining for Hawkeye for some time.

Hawkeye tilts his head back, looking up at the vague greyness of nighttime clouds above the city. They scud across the sky so low he half expects them to fray on the buildings.

“So what do you say we keep this party going?” Trapper grins.

Hawkeye grins back, but glances at his watch. BJ is due to come by to pick him up pretty soon, and the only address he had was the restaurant. “I dunno Trap. It’s a school night, don’t you have somewhere to be in the morning?”

“What? Who are you and what have you done with my best friend? Come on,” Trapper jostles his shoulder into Hawkeye’s, eyes crinkling in that smile. “I know this great little place just around the corner, they make a martini almost as bad as you used to.”

“That’s impossible,” Hawkeye waves a hand in dismissal. “You can’t get army socks that dirty stateside, it changes the entire bouquet.”

“You’ve tried, have you? Set up a still in Mayfield with the new me?”

Hawkeye stills. “It’s Mill Valley. But you know that.”

Trapper doesn’t meet his eye, his hands shoved deep in jeans pockets. The Hawaiian shirts they’d agreed to wear to find each other suddenly feel garish under streetlights. Slowly, almost reluctantly, it starts to drizzle.

“Trap,” Hawkeye reaches out, but Trapper turns too quickly, and he pulls his hand back in surprise.

“Hawk.” His eyes are dark, and more serious than Hawkeye ever saw them. “Are you really just going to leave me here? I thought -”

There’s a pause. A car passes.

“Thought what?”

Trap ducks his head. “Are you still mad at me after all?”

Hawkeye bites his lip. He remembers last week, bumping into a man on a San Francisco street corner and feeling the world fall out beneath him when he saw who it was, and the look on Trapper’s face. Like he’d seen a ghost.

“No, I’m not mad,” Hawkeye whispers. True, Trapper hadn’t left a note. But by the time he’d gotten around to writing, the army thought Hawkeye was dead. “And I’m not planning on leaving you. But I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Trapper looks up then, and there’s something uncomfortable about the twist to his mouth. “I thought this was… I thought you were giving me a second chance.”

The haze of raindrops is sparkling in the curls of Trapper’s hair.

“A chance at what?” Hawkeye asks, even though he already knows the answer.

“We had fun, didn’t we?” he steps closer, almost dangerously close on this city pavement where anyone can see them.

“We had fun with a lot of people in Korea, Trap,” Hawkeye doesn’t recognise his own voice. When did it get so rough?

“Alright, not just fun, but it was easy with you. More than that, it was _important_, what we had. We looked out for each other. We kept each other sane.”

Hawkeye grits his teeth, remembering the way BJ clung to him that last day on the chopper pad, the press of his mouth against the side of Hawkeye’s neck. He blinks rain out of his eyes, seeing Trapper reach for his shoulder.

“No one here really gets it, Hawk. I’ve tried talking to Louise, but she…” Trapper’s mouth makes that grimace again, he glances away. “I even told her about the nurses, and she said that was okay, but I was home now. But I’m not home, Hawk. I think I left that with you.”

Hawkeye can’t move. His mouth feels dry, red wine tannin turning acrid on his tongue and dinner sitting heavy in his gut. Trapper’s fingers tighten on his shoulder. His gaze flicks to Hawkeye’s mouth, but he doesn’t do anything stupid this publicly, just shakes Hawkeye a little.

“There’s been no one else since you Hawk, no one who really knew me.”

A car passes, tires hissing on the wet road.

“Come on. Just one drink. For old time’s sake.”

Later, Hawkeye will think it’s odd that that the first thing that occurs to him in this moment is Erin. Erin holding out a skinned knee for a band-aid and a kiss. Erin sharing her popcorn with him at the drive-in. Erin just sitting with him in silence on the back porch, playing inscrutable games with her teddy bears while Hawkeye tries to get his breathing under control.

And BJ. And Peg.

Hawkeye takes a deep breath, and steps away. Trapper’s hand slips from his shoulder and something in his face closes off, and for a split instant Hawkeye wants to take it back, wants to tell him it will all be okay, that Hawkeye will never leave him the way Trap left Hawkeye. That they can stay friends. But he knows that’s not true. And really, it wouldn’t be fair to either of them.

Trap’s hands make fists by his sides and Hawkeye thinks maybe he might say something, something cruel, but he just turns his back and walks away in silence.

**Author's Note:**

> (for disaster blogging of various fandoms you can find me at acrossthetracksrebounding.tumblr.com)


End file.
